I’ve had a truth sitting inside me for months now (and this post has been saved as a draft for weeks). This truth has been waiting for me to acknowledge it, to be honest about it, and to accept it. And sometime between feeling that truth first appear and reading the Just Be Enough posts, something clicked and I found my moxie. It’s time to share my truth. You ready? Deep breath.
My truth is that jewelry is no longer working for me, and Catie’s Blue is coming to an end.
I don’t know if it’s forever, but I do know it’s for now.
Seeing that typed out isn’t comfortable for me. There were a lot of reasons I don’t want to let go – like my fear of change, or the fact that I’ve defined myself as a jewelry designer for four and a half years. I put my heart and soul into growing a business, and I sacrificed for it (gladly, and without regret). I’ve held on because I have no idea what to do next, job-wise, and that’s terrifying. And yeah, having to tell friends and family and buyers and supporters that I was done is hard, and I wanted to avoid it.
But the biggest reason to let go is that it’s flat out not working, and it hasn’t been working for quite a while. I gave myself time to find the spark again, to wait for the muse to speak or the passion to reignite. But in that space, my truth didn’t change; if anything, it got stronger and more insistent.
I’ve done what I’ve wanted to do with jewelry, and it’s served its purpose for me.
That’s all the reason I need, and I’ve dug up the courage to accept it, but maybe you need more of an explanation. I totally understand; for some of us, we’ve walked this path together for years. So, here it is.
I want to stop going through the motions. I want to feel lit up again. I want to get up and be excited to do what I do again. I want to lose myself in the artistic flow again.
(I used big letters so you’d get how badly I want that to happen.)
I see jewelry friends who create amazing pieces of wearable art, who do it because they want to, because they love it, because they are driven to do it, and I am truly, genuinely happy for them. I want to support my jewelry friends, and will continue to do so (they are awesome, incredibly talented people). But I’m not a jewelry designer anymore. Jewelry is no longer my driving passion, but I want to find what is.
I’ve reflected on it more than you could possibly know, and for longer than I let on. So, while this might be a surprise to you, this has been a long time coming. And fears aside, my decision isn’t coming from a place of anxiety or depression; it’s coming from that place inside that tells you what’s good for you. It feels scary, but right.
So, I’m letting go, and hoping that by letting go of what was, I’ll be able to make room for what might be.
And in acknowledging that one truth, another pops up – I am relieved. Deep down inside, I am relieved.
“Yes, success is gritty business and you’ve got to hustle your bustle. You’ve got to eat intensity Wheaties for breakfast. But there’s a difference between happy rigor and inane slogging. Slogging doesn’t work. It just doesn’t. You can’t plant misery seeds today and expect to get a juicy crop next season.”
-Danielle La Porte, The Spark Kit
There are still details to finalize, and I haven’t figured them all out yet. I can tell you that Catie’s Blue will most likely close late November, early December. My blog will still be here. Freshly Hued will still be here. Beyond that? Not sure.
Wish me luck?